Friday, June 14, 2002

things are better-- he gave me a hug and a kiss :-D and we made up. Gawsh he is such a good bf...I LOVE HIM SO MUCH!!!


Thursday, June 13, 2002

Today was suppose to be a day of happiness.... Its my 1 year 2 mos. anniversary with hai~ but he got mad at me today for something so incredibly small! it hurts...i hate it when he's mad at me... it was something soooo incredibly little. So here he is-- lying down and not wanting to talk to me.. why? because he said i made him feel bad... geez-- i try not to think about it...but every time i try-- i just think about it even more and more..and then i just want to cry-- but i dont want to let the tears out because I don't want him to feel even worse-- i think i cry too much over these things, but i dont know how to control them, its just...this is the only way i know how to relieve everything. Sometimes i just want him to give me a hug and a kiss and everything will be better-- that never happens....he doesnt make me feel as special as I once did. It makes me so sad. I love him so much...and I know he loves me too-- maybe even more-- but sometimes i just dont feel it from him. and it scares me sometimes and i just dont know wut to do. I dont get why he just ignores me sometimes when hes mad... i try to ignore him-- but i just end up trying to talk to him because i cant act like other girls do-- pretending as if nothing happened...i just cant. And so here i sit, not knowing what to do. I want to pretend as if nothing is wrong. I want to pretend I dont care. But most of all, I want to pretend that it doesnt hurt as much as it does.

i dont want to cry-- but the tears are coming out anyways.... :-(